You are dead.
You might as well be. For if I was God I’d make sure that you drown in your own blood and decompose in brackish water.
You are a shame to the fine family you’ve got. I pity them for shouldering the responsibilities you’ve neglected and for always tolerating your mistakes. If I were your father, I’d have banished your name from the page of the family bible. If I were your mother I’d have wished that you were never born.

Just because your blood is running through my son’s veins doesn’t make you a parent. You are such a sorry excuse for a dad. You do not even know the definition of a decent creature much less call yourself one. Stupid, stupid me for allowing you a piece of my heart; for making up excuses against your inadequacies and for hoping that you’d one day stand up like a real man and come up with at least a decent compromise. Detractors would say I’ve got what I deserved for such foolishness. Oh, I paid for that alright and stoop up on its consequences, the hardest difficult way.

Well I don’t live a life of compromise any longer and I won’t settle for the least. Not even for second best. You do not deserve Raine. Not even me. A good soul once told me that I am meant for only the best things in life. (Back then, referring to my allergic reaction against any metal alloy less than gold.) I should have read between those lines. Now I do understand what he meant. God bless him.

I am not sorry for having Raine, not even for a split second. He is my saving grace, my ticket to heaven. Nobody can ever take that hard truth from me, not even YOU! I’ve got Raine…and what have you got?! Some woman you’ve coveted for a wife? She paved your journey to hell. That she-devil constructed your own prison cell, locked you in at her beck-and-call and threw the keys in deep waters. She may have gotten you out of the boiling pot but lead you to jump over the open burning flame instead. Oh dear, she’s got you (your balls) alright in the palm of her hands. May you enjoy the abyss. May God doubly bless her children which I truly hope is partly yours by blood like she claimed.

So why would I ever give you the benefit that is my son? You do not even have the right, any right of even touching the tip of his finger. Nah…over my dead body! What Raine doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And I’ll never give you the tiniest opportunity of hurting me ever again. Raine truly deserves a fine dad, the best dad. I revel to the very idea that it’s not going to be you.

IKAW naman!

Babaeng malaki pa sa mundo ang insecurity: Kung iniisip mong hinahabol ko pa ‘yang ka-supsupang dila mo…Puwes, dahil ga-hinlilit lang naman ang sandata nyan, para makuntento ka ng lubusan, ISAKSAK mo ang taong ‘yan ng buong-buo d’yan sa malaking butas sa pagitan ng dalawang hita mo. Huwag mo na alisin kahit kelan hanggang sa mabulok. Ang tanging interes ko lang naman sa lalaking ‘yan (kung meron pa man) ay upang tadtarin ng pino at ipakain sa mga asong ulol. Kaya tigilan mo na ang pamemeste sa telepono ko.
You’re not even worth a new SIM card. Ibibili ko na lang ng isang maliit na na karton ng Nido o kaya isang maliit na balot ng Huggies.

Sure, God has a wacky way of turning fate around. Who alone can come up with a huge challenge of having to love deeply one person who’s an exact (physical) replica of your most abhorred individual on the face of the earth? Such an ordeal is more than enough payback due of some point-of-no-return intoxicated sinful moments. God, in this case, amanos na tayo ha?

For each time I am locked in Raine’s tight embrace, for each time that I am showered by his wet, little butterfly kisses, for each tickle and giggle…I know deep in my heart that God has granted forgiveness upon me. For each of Raine’s “OK mommy”, “isa pa mommy”, “galing mommy”, “ hindi na, mommy”, “soli na mommy”, “lab yu mommy”…for each loving word uttered by this wonderful child, I am truly glad that except for one fateful sperm that slipped away, that sperm owner doesn’t have any part in his world right now and if only up to me, hopefully always.

May you rest in peace.