June 2005
Monthly Archive
Uncategorized24 Jun 2005 03:07 am
new chapter
In the course of this blog, I’ve bragged and whined about Raine a lot. The frequent readers have been witness to how I desperately tried hard to put my
little household in order and how I shifted from
one kind of day-care to
another (when I fired our stay-in
yaya-cum-housekeeper sometime last October). Just when I thought things are
sailing smoothly as long as Raine’s routine is concerned, Valentine’s Day
exploded.
From then on I’ve tried to stand on what little dignity I’m left with and adamantly asked for no help from Raine’s other family even if circumstances (especially, financial-wise) almost prompts me to dial that emergency line to my not-really-M-I-L (the other
lola) and consistently ignored the “phone stalker” that my “keeping-away-and-quiet” actions generated.
Immediately I’ve been blessed with Tia Rette, now Raine’s yaya and my daily housekeeper. She’s a 50-ish woman who treats Raine like his own grandson. In the last four months, she grew most fond of Raine, the only thing that could probably make her leave is if when she gets a higher-paying housekeeping job. She finally put an end to my midnight laundry habits and keeps our little abode clean and orderly. Apart from Raine, I too get a share of her pampering, I actually miss scrubbing the toilet (!!). The likes of her doesn’t come by everyday, I believe she’s an angel that God sent to rescue me.
In the meantime that my household is at the least chaotic, my idle mind has been the devil’s workshop. I’ve contemplated on getting out of research work and found myself from one
crossroad to the
next. Upon my latest boss’ flight, my urge to escape from this research environment surmounted to escalating levels I was willing to trade this all off with a boring 8-5 clerical job. Just because I’ve underestimated what my remaining active brain cells are still capable of doing. Just because I thought that motherhood turned my left brain off.
Considering that the other compartments of my multiple life is under good control…I think it’s time to let go of that nagging thought at the hindmost corner of my idle brain: the part of me that’s always settling for the least. I’ve realized that whether I like it or not, some powerful force is keeping me here (in research, in LB, at IRRI, in RP) and so to be at par in this race, I now give-in to the path that I’ve been evading and putting-off for a long time for various reasons.
So I had a heart-to-heart talk with the big boss who without hesitation handed me on a silver platter, a project that will lead me to my MS (who knows, maybe ’till PhD? without pulling a single cent from my already tight budget!). Which then made me more excited and afraid than I’ve ever been. But realizing that in many instances in our lives, we tend to roll so many times over trying to find the real reasons why we are here, or where we are really headed; only to find out in the end that what we’ve been looking for and the answers to our many questions are already right there in front of us; that we are exactly where God destined us to be. Though difficult for most of us to accept.
So when my big boss said: “I have the project just for you”…”If you like you can start tomorrow”, I feel like I’ve been away too long. Now it’s time to start living.
Uncategorized20 Jun 2005 12:52 pm
fathers’ day
There are only two reasons I took note of this occassion: 1) because i will always be
papa’s little girl and 2) because my brother is now father to
Glenn Carlo, a
brother whom i could trust Raine’s life with.
But who would have thought…I was actually greeted “happy fathers’ day”?! I was taken aback but the greeter firmly insisted.
Well…I’ve always concentrated on just being mom to Raine, i don’t know what a father exactly do? In the absence of one, I never thought of playing dad to Raine. Or maybe I do, I’m just unaware because I’m just being his mom. Anyhow, I think somebody should assign a national day for single moms!
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Weekends are special to me. Good that i don’t get bugged down that often ‘coz I’d rather bond with Raine than nurse a virus-laden me. Time flies. I’d rather grab more of those bonding moments. Raine is not a baby anymore.
He is slowly becoming his own little person that you cannot just ignore. He probably understands our situation more than I give him credit for.
In all fairness, inspite of his kakulitan, kalikutan, and hardheadedness (like most kids I guess!) ; Raine is a generally jolly kid that is not so hard to please. At his young age of two (and a half!) he understands why I have to leave him daily for work and why he can’t come. In all his bantering ways, he is actually a very sweet, loving toddler. (and expressive of affection too!)
He’s probably wondering why he doesn’t have a daddy hanging around. Though he only got to ask me once and probably got convinced with my short answer: that his daddy is somewhere far away; that he shouldn’t think about such thoughts anymore because mommy wasn’t able to do anything to make him stay much less make him come back; and didn’t ask again. At least not just yet. In the mean time, I get all the credit, even father’s day.
Uncategorized16 Jun 2005 12:25 pm
bugged down
I would like to stay home and nurse this flu in bed, with a good book, ice-cold fresh fruit juice and long drug-dosed sleep. But I simply can’t. You see the bed is Raine’s bed. It’s his territory now. I can’t even lie on it peacefully. The moment I do, I turn into a horse or his wrestling partner. (The small unit that is our apartment is all Raine’s turf by the way!)
It is at such times that I truly wish Raine has a father that he can play rough with. At the end of my working day, I’d just love to be the old couch potato and sleep in front of the tube with my nose burrowed on a nice book.
Oh I’m not really complaining about my Raine-dominated world…It’s just that I clamour for times of tender loving care. Times that I can call-in sick and just spend the day in bed…while somebody else makes a good chicken soup that cures any viral/bacterial infection away. Is that asking too much?!
Uncategorized13 Jun 2005 01:33 pm
independence day
I turned a year older 4 days ago. Nothing out of the ordinary except for a few wonderful things:
- I finished a very important article that “the editor” liked very much. To my relief because it cost me couples of sleepless nights and two occassions of upset stomach. An article that has been liberating in more ways than one.
-
Raine seemed to have mellowed a lot from being makulit and hard-headed. Maybe because now that’s he’s a bit older (almost 2.5 yrs) he understands more and can express his feelings more, verbally. I’m getting convinced that I’ve finally done something right ‘coz I’ve been getting a lot of hugs from Raine lately, with matching “I love you mommy” or “Thank you mommy” just for silly little things.
-
The twins finally left this weekend for school.
-
My cellphone broke down 2 weeks ago.
… and my life has never been quieter.
Okay, I’m spilling it…I turned 32…but I certainly do feel 10 years younger!
Uncategorized02 Jun 2005 12:06 am
generation gap
The twins have recently been hanging-out in our (mine and Raine’s) little apartment. Back from their summer vacation in Bicolandia and waiting for classes to resume in a couple of weeks. Teenagers are just so difficult to deal with…they always feel that they know better. They do not appreciate the fact that in their generation, they are so much luckier than those that came before them. Resources and technology is at their disposal that would have been tools to make life easier, for them to accomplish and achieve more in life (at the moment, academic excellence). But it seems that these resources and technology available to them instead became distractions and a huge excuse to be lazy and not strive for the best.
I’m tired of nagging them to do better…that it’s for their own good not mine. The “during our time we didn’t have…but we were able to…” -lines just doesn’t work anymore. Whichever way they look at it, you turn out into the ogre that didn’t understand them…who wants to make their life miserable.
So I surrender with two hands up in the air. Now I let them be, to go ahead and discover life with all its many facets of the negatives and positives. I guess that the best way to teach them about life itself is letting them live it their way. It’s not easy to let them go like that without a struggle deep within me…If I would have any control, I only want them to have more of life’s positives and less of the negatives.
Oh…If they would only heed without much fuss to simple things like: that “Smallville” is not the original “Superman” movie; that the song “Let the love begin” was originally sung by Gino Padilla and Rocky and the Kyla-Jerome John Hughes version is just a remake(mix).
Well, if this is any prelude to the kind of arguments that I’m going to have with my Raine in the future…I’m going to get crazy just thinking about it now. So I’ll take the easy way out and just cross the bridge when I get there.
