In the course of this blog, I’ve bragged and whined about Raine a lot. The frequent readers have been witness to how I desperately tried hard to put my little household in order and how I shifted from one kind of day-care to another (when I fired our stay-in yaya-cum-housekeeper sometime last October). Just when I thought things are sailing smoothly as long as Raine’s routine is concerned, Valentine’s Day exploded.
From then on I’ve tried to stand on what little dignity I’m left with and adamantly asked for no help from Raine’s other family even if circumstances (especially, financial-wise) almost prompts me to dial that emergency line to my not-really-M-I-L (the other lola) and consistently ignored the “phone stalker” that my “keeping-away-and-quiet” actions generated.

Immediately I’ve been blessed with Tia Rette, now Raine’s yaya and my daily housekeeper. She’s a 50-ish woman who treats Raine like his own grandson. In the last four months, she grew most fond of Raine, the only thing that could probably make her leave is if when she gets a higher-paying housekeeping job. She finally put an end to my midnight laundry habits and keeps our little abode clean and orderly. Apart from Raine, I too get a share of her pampering, I actually miss scrubbing the toilet (!!). The likes of her doesn’t come by everyday, I believe she’s an angel that God sent to rescue me.

In the meantime that my household is at the least chaotic, my idle mind has been the devil’s workshop. I’ve contemplated on getting out of research work and found myself from one crossroad to the next. Upon my latest boss’ flight, my urge to escape from this research environment surmounted to escalating levels I was willing to trade this all off with a boring 8-5 clerical job. Just because I’ve underestimated what my remaining active brain cells are still capable of doing. Just because I thought that motherhood turned my left brain off.
Considering that the other compartments of my multiple life is under good control…I think it’s time to let go of that nagging thought at the hindmost corner of my idle brain: the part of me that’s always settling for the least. I’ve realized that whether I like it or not, some powerful force is keeping me here (in research, in LB, at IRRI, in RP) and so to be at par in this race, I now give-in to the path that I’ve been evading and putting-off for a long time for various reasons.
So I had a heart-to-heart talk with the big boss who without hesitation handed me on a silver platter, a project that will lead me to my MS (who knows, maybe ’till PhD? without pulling a single cent from my already tight budget!). Which then made me more excited and afraid than I’ve ever been. But realizing that in many instances in our lives, we tend to roll so many times over trying to find the real reasons why we are here, or where we are really headed; only to find out in the end that what we’ve been looking for and the answers to our many questions are already right there in front of us; that we are exactly where God destined us to be. Though difficult for most of us to accept.
So when my big boss said: “I have the project just for you”…”If you like you can start tomorrow”, I feel like I’ve been away too long. Now it’s time to start living.