January 2006
Monthly Archive
weird meme
Each time people (friends: old and new, even total strangers) come up to me through email, SMS (sometimes personally) to let me know how they’ve been touched and inspired by the stuff I wrote in this blog (and somewhere else): I am assured that I am doing something right and good.
You all make my heart swell and I was just ranting (sometimes bitchin’) and getting the load off my chest. At first, I wrote to help me in my journey to completeness and self-rediscovery. In the process, if I’ve unknowingly helped others, I am hugely grateful. I hope to scatter the blessings, whatever that means.
Meanwhile, let’s get more personal. I have been tagged by
Ka Uro to reveal 5 weird habits. Sorry it took awhile to take this on but I can only think of 4 habits I have that some people may find weird:
1) I don’t eat beef. On occasions I had allergic reactions to it but I generally can’t stand the characteristic smell of beef. Though I can eat corned beef but only if it’s Purefoods or CDO.
2) I cannot sleep properly without a double pillow under my head and one pillow where I can prop up my feet.
3) I don’t care whether instant or brewed but I love my coffee extra strong, less sugar, no milk or creamer.
4) I usually eat pancit with rice.
Well, that’s me and my little pleasures in life.
parenting alone forever?
At this point it is still too early to tell if I’m going to entirely raise my boy without some father figure (bio dad not included). I’m still open to the possibility that I might meet the man just for that (and of course, for me too). I am not closing any new door.
But anyhow, I’m starting to condition myself of the huge possibility that I’m going to be parenting alone for the rest of my life. I know that sounds scary. But I guess it’s a matter of acceptance. I’ve had three years of practice, wouldn’t hurt to prepare myself for 30 years more.
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I’m really enjoying the blog at the 80’s club, I posted 2 more entries.
blog round-up
It’s one of those days when you thought things are not going to get worse than they already are. But sometimes they do.
You sure don’t wanna be bored with the gory details. And there are bigger things around me than the “issues” of my own wrongdoing.
So I mostly slept on it and blogged away:
Empowered Mother: Julie Watson Smith @ EMothersOnline
Samaral Seafood Restaurant @ Pinoy Travel Blog
Macgyver: Still my kind-a Guy @ The 80’s club
One more thing: Raine got featured again at Play Library. Thanks Hsien! (in the future I should think of collecting “talent fees” first before sending out photos…j/k)
the 80’s club
Ahhh the 80’s: good times and bad times. The best times to party but I have over-protective parents and my father was adamant of my 11 PM curfew. Yeah, Cinderella had more fun.
Anyway, my ultimate dilemma in the 80’s was my hair: I’ve got naturally wavy fine locks and it was just too difficult to tease them up. I at least wasn’t successful, how much hard I tried to keep up with the hair fashion in those days.
At B5 media, there’s a newly launched blog called the 80’s club. I didn’t have enough caffeine in my system yet on that morning I bumped into it. Yes Ingrid, I may be half-asleep when I submitted that hair photo!
(For some reason i was awake at 2 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. For the lack of an available vcd that I haven’t seen yet, I watched “my best friends’ wedding” in the hope that since I’ve seen that movie for the nth time (I’ve memorized the famous lines) maybe I’d fall asleep in the middle of it. Unfortunately it didn’t lull me back to sleep, at 4 am I was curled up under a warm blanket beside Raine, my eyes tightly closed hoping I’d be able to take a few winks before the sun’s blinding rays hit me in the face. And then bang! Raine “punched” me in the nose. It was 6:30 am. He wants to watch “spiderman” and of course, a bottle of milk. What’s with the movie addiction? I think it’s genetic!)
Sorry for the long side-introduction: I just wanted to say that I got up at the wrong side of the bed today and that 80’s club post just made my day. Ingrid is way too fast, I can’t take that back anymore.
Check it out and you can have a good laugh too. Ha ha ha.
Going back to my hair: Oh well, maybe I just wasn’t using enough of those spray gels. So I made sure to have my hair done professionally on my high school graduation day. I swear, I’ve never worn bangs since then.
danish re-connection
Back in grade school (until high school), my school (public schools) through my english teachers always solicit our names to be submitted to some postal friends exchange networks of some sorts where if your name gets to be picked, you’ll be a pen-pal to some other kid your age on the other side of the world (could be from anywhere). It was always an exercise that our english teachers would closely and excitedly supervise for us students to practice our english writing and grammar and of course to learn about other culture through that pen-pal network.
To make the long story short, I’ve always been overly excited but my name never got picked, no foreign mail ever arrived for me, I didn’t get to have an “international pen-pal”.
Until I got to work on rice research…One big thing that I love about my job (aside of course from the scientific learning and exposure blah-blah) is the fact that it has definitely opened the world to me and expanded my “connections” to (at least one) in every continent. Well, maybe except antarctica! He he.
This week my danish connections have been revived. We’ve worked together 6 years ago and bonded on a two-week road-trip to the North of Luzon (Banaue-Ilocos-Nueva Ecija); profiling the microbial biodiversity in varying rice ecosystems present in those provinces.
They were kind enough to sneak out from their planning workshop meeting to have lunch with us today: Not to talk about science, but to talk about what each other (and others who weren’t present) have been up to in the last 6 years.
Except for the additional pounds that that we all have gained, they are the same fun company who enjoys Filipino food and weather so much. I guess we bored the gentleman a bit (he’s a microsensor guy who immensely enjoys playing with mud in the rice paddy under the Philippine sun!) what with 3 girls talking about motherhood and stuff. But he enjoyed the “cheap” Filipino food so much, he was kind enough to pay.
Too bad it was too early to be drinking beer or tanduay rhum with coke.
all about raine10 Jan 2006 12:53 pm
raine and medicine
By Philippine
weather standards, December until February is usually the coolest months. Add to that the hassles and bustles of the holiday season. So it isn’t really unusual when people get sick short before the New Year and they cough and sneeze their way back into their schools and offices in the first week of January.
My whole family (including carabao-tough me!) was down with coughs and colds; we’re practically having nasal decongestants and cough syrups for dessert. Raine was bugged down too. Fortunately nobody was running with a fever thus there wasn’t a need for antibiotics. Thank God for that, Raine and medicine just
don’t go together.
Until about 4 days ago. (Of course Raine didn’t know I was spiking his milk with medicine.) Upon coughing terrible bad, Raine said “may sakit ang boses ko, inom ako ng gamot” (my voice is sick, I’ll drink medicine) and for the first time took medicine from the spoon without a slight resistance. And it wasn’t a one shot thing, he’s been doing it since then. Hurray for another breakthrough!!
ok lang kami,kaya wag ka nang manggulo!
Raine and I are doing fairly well. Except that I suck at making ends meet, which Raine at this point doesn’t notice or even know. At least not yet, because he believes and is assured that I can give him his basic needs (and some wants). In his eyes, I guess he’s pretty happy with me as his mom. (Though I may be an ogre some times) still he’s always gladly (most times with extra excitement) receiving me at the doorstep everyday when I come home from work. If it’s any indication of Raine’s contentment of me as his mom: I still get a lot of tight hugs and I love yous. So I guess I’m doing my job real well.
On many occasions I’ve stated that parenting is a job for two persons. I may be living an illusion right now that our life is perfectly normal; though I hate to admit it I know that our tandem (Raine and I) lacks the father factor. I may not see (or realize) it yet but I am sure that the lack of a father has some effect in Raine’s life that could manifest later.
Long ago when I found what Raine’s (biological) father was up to, I’ve realized that he is not the kind of father that I want my son to grow up with. I don’t accept crumbs anymore. I want the whole bread or no bread at all. Ayoko na ng kapirasong langit. Paminsan-minsang kamusta? Pa-minsan minsang paabot ng tulong? Ni hindi nga makadalaw ng personal sa anak ko? No way. I’ve long ago stopped living a life of compromises. I may be selfish sometimes but I only want the best for my son.
Meanwhile, Raine and I are doing just fine: Thank God I still have a job. At last we found a loyal nanny/housekeeper (with us for a year now!). And I have good supportive friends around me that helps everytime I holler for one (sometimes even before). So what else can I ask for? I’ve started blogging that would hopefully (in time) fill up the current gaps. I’ve gained friends in the cyberspace that’s been very supportive each time I rant here. I think I’ve got most things pretty much covered… Maybe soon I’ll post a wanted: perfect father-perfect husband ad. He he.
no english translation available
Pikon ako. Lalo na pag tatay ng anak ko ang “kausap” ko. Teka, di ba
patay na yun? Nabuhay ulit. Sa ngalan ng diwa ng pasko, birthday ng anak ko, bagong taon o kaya naman ay epekto ng (baka lang) pang-mu-multo ng tatay ko: eh medyo binagabag siguro ng matagal nang tulog na konsensiya kaya ayun, namemeste sa telepono buong bakasyon na kagabi ko lang “pinatulan”.
Hindi na kasi ito isyu ng kung sino may kasalanan kung bakit nabuo ang bata. Ang isyung kinakaharap na dito ay ano bang gagawing tama ngayong andyan na ang bata? May ginawa ka ba? Wala. Teka. Meron palang ginawa: nung malamang buntis ako, naglahong parang bula. Nung hinanting ko, pinagtabuyan ako. Ako naman si gaga, parang tangang halos lumuhod sa pagmamaka-awa at pilit humihingi ng tulong. Umuwi akong luhaan at talunan. Naglaho ulit siyang parang bula. Hindi ako tumigil sa pangungulit sa telepono kahit dinidedma ako. Lumipas mag araw, kabuwanan ko na: nabalitaan ko buntis na yung ex niyang hiwalay din sa asawa, sila na ang nag-a-asawahan. Yung babae pa mismo ang nagtxt/tumawag sa akin!
Tumulong naman daw pamilya niya para punan ang pagkukulang niya sa bata. Oo, hindi ko puwedeng itanggi na merong pa-ilan-ilan na tulong. Maraming salamat talaga sa bawat pagkakataong yun! (Kahit ambon lang pag kagipitan na, kung tutuusin kulang pa ang maga iyon kung ngalan ng obligasyon ang pag-babasehan. Pero mabuti na rin kesa sa wala.) Mga tulong na tuwing mangyayari ay merong umaalma (yung “asawa” niya) at umaaway sa akin. Tulong na hindi dapat isumbat sa akin at sabihing kung hindi dahil sa kanya ay hindi yun gagawin ng pamilya niya. Ginawa yun ng pamilya niya dahil sa simpatya, para sa anak ko!
Nag-drama pa kagabi, tumigil na daw ako sa mga pasaring na wala siyang kuwenta. Ano ba tawag sa mga katulad niya? Galit pa rin daw ba ako hanggang ngayon? Ang salitang galit ay hindi sapat para ilarawan ang mga naramdaman ko. Ang galit ay matagal ko nang nilunok lahat at kasama nang nailibing ng tatay ko. Napipikon ako dahil nai-insulto ako tuwing sasabihin na puwede bang hiramin yung bata. Hiram? Ano yan manika? Tuta? Buti kung siya mismo ang sumusundo. Hindi. Ipapasundo at ipapahatid pa sa nanay o kapatid niya. Ang prinsipyo ko diyan: Kung gusto hiramin yung bata, ba’t di taong humarap man lang sa akin at personal na magsabi. Kung sabagay dyan siya magaling: ang magtago sa saya nang may saya.
Hiniling ko kagabi na tutal may anak na rin naman siya (at harinawa’y namumuhay nang matiwasay sa kasalukuyan) maging kuntento na dun at huwag na pakialaman ang anak ko. Sa tingin ko, wala namang idudulot na mabuti kung makikilala pa siya. Wala na siya sa eksena sa simula pa lang, eh di habang buhay na lang ganun. Malilito lang yung bata. Bilang kapalit, di rin kami lalapit sa kahit sino sa pamilya niya (na matagal ko na rin namang ginagawa).
Ang yabang ko pa rin daw! Talagang mayabang ako dahil ako ay nadapa at bumangon. P**cha nakaka-lalake na nga yung mga ginawa niya tapos i-insultuhin pa ako tuwing kakamustahin yung anak ko. Buti kung nagiging pera yung kamusta niya. Di naman! Nakaka-bad trip. P**yeta talaga. Ikaw na nga itong halos kumain ng alikabok magawa mo lang responsibilidad na tinalikuran niya, siya pang may ganang mang-insulto. Ang sarap umbagin at basagin ang mukha!
Talagang mayabang ako. Dahil kung yung iba baka naloka o kaya pinamigay o pinabayaan yung bata. Ako, kinaya ko lahat kahit sobrang mahirap. Nilunok ko lahat ang kutya ng tao sa paligid ko. Pati pamilya ko sinaktan ko sa nangyari. Ang isa pang pinagyayabang ko: yan si Rainier aking-akin lang yan. Similya lang ang ambag mo, wala nang iba. Hindi mo mahahawakan dulo ng daliri nyan hangga’t hindi mo nagagawang magpakababa at humarap sa akin ng matiwasay. Akala ko ba ayaw mo nung mabuntis ako, ngayong malaki na hihiramin mo? Hiram? Gumawa na lang kayo ng madami pang anak, tantanan mo ang anak ko, puwede?
Ngayon, di ko alam kung nagbabasa ka nito. Malamang hindi. Pero sigurado akong may umaaligid na umalohokan diyan na tiyak maghahatid ng balita sa iyo. Dun sa mga tao o ilang “kaibigan” na nagtataka hanggang ngayon kung bakit kinakaya kong mag-isa ang hindi dapat…ayan, namnamin mo ang masaklap na katotohanan. Tumigil ka sandali at ilagay ang sarili mo sa lugar ko bago mo ako husgahan!
All or Nothing. Eh bokya nga ako sayo.
Kaya nauwi ako sa nothing but Raine.
Di ka kasali, beh!
all about raine04 Jan 2006 10:11 am
raine is 3
The holiday season is over but it would be a crime if I don’t mention that my little man, Raine, turned 3 on 29th December.
Yeah the 29th and not the 28th like some people thought. He he.
Okay, I’ll just cut on the “drama” this time and would like to say that the past 3 (make that 4) years was refiner’s fire. I wish I could say that now I’m whiter than snow. I’m not. In God’s eyes, I remain a work in progress.
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At Christmas, Raine’s toy creation was featured by Hsien Lei at Play Library. 3 days later, Hsien’s post was picked up by another blog. Thanks Hsien!
(yes, I’m calling you Hsien from now on.)
career& love and life03 Jan 2006 03:55 pm
post holiday greetings
(belated) Merry Christmas and a Happy Year 2006 to all.
I’m back from family time and “hibernation”. I ate too much rice and stuff, lived like a pig for the past couple of weeks (eat+sleep) and earned an extra saddle bag.
Today i spent the morning attending to emails. How much hard I try I can’t switch to the work mode. I’ve been staring at the same page of the journal I’m trying to read and for a long moment my brain forgot to do a simple correlation analysis, my data still remains a nonsensical set of numbers in spreadsheets.
I’m groping to compose a blog too. I guess I have to start “starving” myself in order for my brain to work back to normal. What was that about too much digestive activity and less brain work? He he.