In October, it will be 3 years since my father passed away. Unlike my brothers (esp. my mother) I have never had any form of communication with him, like in a dream or something, since then.

Except from the vivid memories I have of him that I have kept dear in my heart, there’s just nothing after that.

Until this afternoon that I felt him strongly. Maybe I was dreaming. He didn’t say a word though, he was just there, watching me in my little corner here in the house, peeking over my shoulder while I was in front of my PC and watching TV at the foot of my bed — as if saying…hey there anak! you are sooo busy you don’t think of me anymore. ;-)

So there he was making his presence strongly felt to me. Like in one of those dreams that you know you are dreaming, I shrieked for my mother (and Raine too!), not knowing why I did in the first place. They were wondering what happened. My mother cried incessantly when I told her. She has been feeling him too , stronger in the recent days.

I was wondering why? Is there an special occasion we are forgetting? Yes there is (are). May 9th (that’s just less than a month away!) would have been his 62nd birthday and (we just found out later in the day) my brother Gary is leaving for his new ship on Sunday. He sent us a txt while at the Manila Hotel for his oath taking. He passed his licensure exam recently. Gary said he was alone there at the event, no family with him, he did not take his wife and 3-year-old kid. I even teased him that nobody’s gonna take a picture of him.

Now I know…Papa was probably with him.

Later after that…I ended up talking to somebody about death and the dead.

Ahhh…this has been an emotional day.

I miss my father….and somebody else equally important in my life.

That…and Michael Johns casted off from American Idol. :-(

He he.

Seriously…

Papa, it’s not that I forget. The other day, I was just even browsing at your photos I scanned in the past and saved in one folder in this computer. It’s just that there are times missing somebody becomes unbearable…that I’d rather not think about you…to preserve myself or something.

Though sometimes, like today… self-preservation didn’t get the better of me.

God…I’m still crying.

I miss you. I miss YOU a lot.