The Journey. It’s Mine. [Raine’s Mom, Problogger, Techie-wannabe, Wheelchair-Traveler]

I told you already I went to UPLB over the weekend. As usual, the sights sounds and smell of UPLB is truly refreshing. It feeds both my body and soul.

Here are some photos I would like to share:

Many things have changed in the place but my memories remain the same. I get this secret smile only people who lived here in transient (or permanently) will ever understand why — which made me more at home in this place than anywhere else in the world.

Happy mothers’ day to all the mothers out there. I just have no words to describe what a mother is. Words just aren’t enough. Selfless doesn’t even describe what a mother does.

Now that I am a mother, I know that I am a work in progress towards what a real mother is like. I have one that is always so giving and caring, I am not even an inch of her. Though what I know, I got all from her. Everyday with her, I still am learning.

To me, it often comes tricky to tell my mother what i feel about her. Well, except when I’m angry about something, not necessarily towards her!

I know my mother doesn’t need a plasma mount, or anything material for that matter for her to feel loved. I need not even say a word. But whatever I do, she gives me more actually. That’s just the way mothers are, I think. They always give you more — more than you ever need or wanted, without asking for anything in return.
So…happy mothers’ day…one day is just not enough. Everyday should be mothers’ day.

Today would have been my father’s 62nd birthday. He died before he reached the age of 60. In our family, we never gave each other gifts on special occasions, such as birthdays, Christmases and the likes. Not even a card.

We just never got used to the act of gift giving I guess, but that doesn’t mean we do not express our love. My parents just raised us believing that there are too many ways of showing your love and appreciation to one another, aside from gifts and words, aside from hugs and kisses. Duh? I sometimes wonder what other ways. But yeah, there are.

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Finally, here comes scientific evidence.

From Science Daily:

Whether a young man’s mother earned a college degree and whether she worked outside the home while he was growing up seems to have an effect years later when he considers his ideal wife, according to a study by University of Iowa sociologist Christine Whelan.

High-achieving men — those who earn salaries in the top 10 percent for their age and/or have a graduate degree — are highly likely to marry a woman whose education level mirrors their mom’s.

Could this explain why the wife and the mother-in-law never see eye-to-eye, because they are too the same? You tell me, I don’t have a MIL! Ha ha ha. And I think I will never have one.

Okay, I guess that much has been given all along. Only that there are still too many men in the world who get more blinded by a woman’s pair of legs instead of her brain and personality.

It would be interesting though, to see what eventually happened to those guys who married a pair of legs. Well, as a friend of mine always say: such guys only get that, a pair of legs!

Hmmm…it’s nice to know that men are now learning that brain+personality definitely trump a va-va-boom body.

As I write this, Raine has been sitting on his bus seat for some 5 hours already on the way home. He and lola will be arriving home around 2 am tomorrow.

Goodbye alone times, Mommy! Here comes Raine — the center of your world. He he.

But gosh…I miss him a lot. The past week he wasn’t here, I have been calling almost everyday. But it should do us both good I think. if we do this from time to time. My baby is not a baby anymore. He’s like a big man telling me about his day each time I called. That and he being all A-okay even if I wasn’t there!

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20 minutes ago, Raine and my mother took the bus going to Manila to visit my sister-in-law and nephew in Meycauayan (Bulacan) for at least a week.

I was so looking forward to this day because 1) i wanted to know how Raine or me will fare during the “separation” Since we came home, I’ve never been away more than three days without him; and 2) i wanted some peace and quiet in the house because lately, we’ve been in each other’s neck!

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I am writing this because I want to help Reyna Elena’s campaign and also because I want to share what I know about Pinays in the barrio who are married (or even just involved) to somebody from a foreign country.

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First of all, it pains me to hear of a story that a Filipina is being accused of a scam. It pains me to know that a foreigner feels like he is being scammed by his Filipina lady love and her family.

I grew up in this small barrio and after 18 years of being away, I went back home to stay (for how long, I don’t know!).

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I keep telling myself I need a break. Not a break from the work that I do, but more of a break from motherhood in general. I badly need a little bit of me-time I guess. Hopefully to think clearly about stuff and life in general. Maybe even just to pray. He he.

The only problem is that, it isn’t easy to get away. It’s hard enough to plan, save and prepare and the moment I get a single second of me-time, I miss my son. I just couldn’t shake him out of my system, even if there are times I really wanna shake him out even for just awhile!

The worse thing is that, I will end up regretting that I did not bring him along. My life just isn’t the same anymore, motherhood happened and this isn’t like I can file a L. O. A anytime I feel that it has gotten too much. All mothers have too much on their plate. All parents for that matter! They all deal with it somehow. And they survive!

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We do not get unlimited chances to have all the things we want in life.
Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.

– Dr. Addison Montgomery, Grey’s Anatomy Season 3 Ender

We’re having warm, sunny days once more. Raine is just too happy playing outside and picking “flowers”.

Flowers like these:

Ain’t he sweet?! Well, Mothers’ Day is just around the corner!

At least my body is!

If it isn’t not falling asleep at all, it is being awake in odd hours in the middle of the night at dawn. Like 1.30 to 2.00 am. Shit. I am really getting old! The only other people in the world who I know have such awful sleeping habits are my parents.

We call it “tulog manok”. You know, like the chicken - eyes maybe closed but it’s really as alert as awake. I hate it when my parents do that. Especially now that I live with my mother and she gets up with the littlest stirring in the house. Like tonight, that either my cellphone or my PC is still on. I even turned on the TV in the hope that I can sleep back. But with no luck. I’ve been up since 1.45!

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After all these years, i still do not have real savings accounts. What I mean by real is the type that you don’t withdraw money from –unless it’s a matter of life and death.

I know I should have a fat one already. In no time, Raine will be in a school for “big” boys. What if he gets really sick?

But I don’t wanna think about the negative stuff wherein you’ll need money so bad. One cannot be prepared enough for something like that. Things like that, solves itself at the right time. Besides, I don’t wanna be a worry wart like somebody I know!

By the time Raine enters grade school, the twins are out of college and hopefully each has a job of his own. I wish! I wish and hope.

Don’t you know by now?! I’m the live-by-the-fly, moment-to-moment-kinda gal? I don’t have a 10 year-plan, much less a 1 year-plan! What I have (as Miranda Bailey would say) is a right now plan.

And yes…I’ll take that worry wart, anytime.

In October, it will be 3 years since my father passed away. Unlike my brothers (esp. my mother) I have never had any form of communication with him, like in a dream or something, since then.

Except from the vivid memories I have of him that I have kept dear in my heart, there’s just nothing after that.

Until this afternoon that I felt him strongly. Maybe I was dreaming. He didn’t say a word though, he was just there, watching me in my little corner here in the house, peeking over my shoulder while I was in front of my PC and watching TV at the foot of my bed — as if saying…hey there anak! you are sooo busy you don’t think of me anymore.

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Sometimes we are just blind. Blind from the blessings and the love we have in our lives. It’s just a shame that by the time we recognize it, they’re all gone.

From Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet:

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer
in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is
clearer from the plain.

What if it isn’t just your friend? What if you didn’t part form your friend, but instead took him/her for granted?

I don’t wanna grow old - sitting in my rocking chair - thinking that I should have appreciatedmore the ones I love. That I should been more showy and demonstrative of my affections. That I should have given due credit when credit was due. That I have been more appreciative of everything and everyone else around me.

Is your level of contentment too high? Have you told somebody today that you appreciate him? Have you hugged somebody today, just because? DO. Before it ever gets too late.

Appreciate all your blessings - big or small - and more of it will come down pouring on you.

Don’t we just wish that anything has a drug rehabilitation solution?! You know, including laziness, bumming around and all the stupid things that teenagers do for a living.

2 days more and the twins (my youngest brothers) turn 20. 20 whooping years and i still remember how they looked like right after my mother delivered them. They looked ET-ish, yes with wrinkled face and all. But cute little ETs…baby no. 1 and baby no. 2.

While my mother was inside the delivery room, my father and I was heavily pacing the hallway. Each of us, clutching a coffee mug in one hand. I cannot remember how much we drank. If alcoholic drinks were allowed, we would have been drunk. I was 3-months away from my 14th birthday, but I can remember that day (March 18, 1988) like it was yesterday!

There was a solar eclipse that day. At 12nn baby no.1 came out just as the sun came out of ‘hiding’. 30 minutes later, baby no. 2 followed suit! My mother was 40. years. old.

To our two pots! Nat-pot and Ye-potpot. Happy 20th birthday! I am just happy and proud, I didn’t send anyone of you to rehab. REALLY>

Uyy, they’re kind and thoughtful already. Just lazy. Cute. But lazy. Sometimes.