The Journey. It’s Mine. [Raine’s Mom, Problogger, Techie-wannabe, Wheelchair-Traveler]

Last night, I indulged my young brothers (the twins) and I went to the city where their band played. Raine and I ended up in a long table with youngsters (aged not more than 20). Raine had a blast of course, he really felt he was the same age as my brothers’ friends.

From 7- 12 midnight, he had 4 hotdogs on stick, some chips and 2 bottles of iced tea. I had 2 12-oz.-bottles of Coke, just so I won’t fall asleep. He he.

The place was like a beer plaza , reminded me of UPLB’s Feb Fair — except that the booths are of local stores and not of student groups. Everyone on all the tables surrounding us was groups drinking beer, cheering and jeering to the performances on stage. Raine had his own share of cheering in the performances he liked. I suffered listening to 15 local singers! Nobody told me before hand that there’s going to be a singing contest…before I can witness the band play.

Anyway…I was a good sport of course. It wasn’t my kind of music, but I enjoyed the band’s performance. Maybe lackng in some showmanship, but they sounded pretty good. One of the twins is on base guitar, while the other is the band ‘manager’! Ha ha ha.

It’s not with any of them to brag, but it turned they made it as finalist to the battle of the bands on Saturday. I told my mother she should go then. She passed on last night’s gig because she said she didn’t want to leave the house empty. For all I know she wanted some peace and quiet because the band has been practicing here for days without end. He he.

Next time? I will push her to go. I want some peace and quiet too! Ha ha ha.

Well…I’m just happy that they are expressing themselves into something artistic and fun. I don’t want anymore girl woes. They don’t drink, don’t smoke and are not into illegal substances. So I guess they’re doing fine. Just lazy at times but better their friends hang out here than them hanging out somewhere else and we can’t see what they’re doing. At least that’s what my father always said.

And I am sounding a LOT like him!

mom: good night raine, tulog ka na. (go to sleep)

raine: good night mommy, i love you.

mom: hmmm…palagi? (always?). kahit nagagalit ako? (even if get angry?)

raine: yes ma’. masaya ako ikaw ang mommy ko. (I’m happy you are my mom!)

mom: I’m happy too Raine…i love you.

raine: good night ‘ma, i love you.

mom: (speechless and can’t sleep anymore!)

What more can I ask for? Who needs sleep when you are loved like that?

Happy mothers’ day to all the mothers out there. I just have no words to describe what a mother is. Words just aren’t enough. Selfless doesn’t even describe what a mother does.

Now that I am a mother, I know that I am a work in progress towards what a real mother is like. I have one that is always so giving and caring, I am not even an inch of her. Though what I know, I got all from her. Everyday with her, I still am learning.

To me, it often comes tricky to tell my mother what i feel about her. Well, except when I’m angry about something, not necessarily towards her!

I know my mother doesn’t need a plasma mount, or anything material for that matter for her to feel loved. I need not even say a word. But whatever I do, she gives me more actually. That’s just the way mothers are, I think. They always give you more — more than you ever need or wanted, without asking for anything in return.
So…happy mothers’ day…one day is just not enough. Everyday should be mothers’ day.

As I write this, Raine has been sitting on his bus seat for some 5 hours already on the way home. He and lola will be arriving home around 2 am tomorrow.

Goodbye alone times, Mommy! Here comes Raine — the center of your world. He he.

But gosh…I miss him a lot. The past week he wasn’t here, I have been calling almost everyday. But it should do us both good I think. if we do this from time to time. My baby is not a baby anymore. He’s like a big man telling me about his day each time I called. That and he being all A-okay even if I wasn’t there!

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20 minutes ago, Raine and my mother took the bus going to Manila to visit my sister-in-law and nephew in Meycauayan (Bulacan) for at least a week.

I was so looking forward to this day because 1) i wanted to know how Raine or me will fare during the “separation” Since we came home, I’ve never been away more than three days without him; and 2) i wanted some peace and quiet in the house because lately, we’ve been in each other’s neck!

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There’s only barely two weeks left in Raine’s school days. This afternoon was the open house in his school. Parents were invited to “observe” while the kids did their usual daily stuff.

I was amazed by how quiet the kids in there can be! Yes, including Raine. Each of them was working quietly in each of their little corners. Raine, quiet?! He must be sick.

But indeed, the school room was too quiet. And with the soft breeze coming in through the windows, I was nodding off! Really I was, it was really embarrassing. I bet some kids can’t help but fall asleep in that room! He he.

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My little boy first said the word car before he was able to say mama when starting to speak as a baby.

Buti na lang, I can’t afford to buy all the cars he wanted. Otherwise, he’ll be one spoiled little boy! He he he.

Since last year, Raine has been asking for a sister. Yes, a SISTER! Ha ha ha. Of course, I didn’t tell Raine that I need to find a husband first. But told him this: we will watch out for a SALE and then if we have money, we’ll buy a baby!

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You know, every pregnant mom wishes the best for the fetus inside her. Even before you give birth you already have future dreams for your child.

Though I have always been saying to myself that I will support Raine in whatever course, career, etc. that he decides to pursue in the future, I cannot help but look into my immediat goals in my life and for his life.

Immediate goals will kind-a pave way to the realization of the future goals and dreams.

First of all, I want Raine to behave well, not only at home but most especially in public, in other places.

Second of all, I want to provide him with the best foundation of education, the proper study habits, the appreciation of knowledge and the attitude of wanting to learn for more.

However, these will not happen if I don’t seek for the immediate and most important of goals: health and safety.

I guess any parent will agree with me. As long as we can keep our children healthy and safe, our future dreams for them will become a reality in God’s good time.

I’m not surprised.

That’s what you get if you keep on partying all night (’til morning) and using illegal substances on top of abusing alcohol. It doesn’t matter if you have all the money in the world to spend on partying and nannies. You are a mother. Period. Your kids come first.

Mothers behaving like Britney, do not deserve their kids.

Because the hours that Raine spend in school is the quietest time I can get to work at home, obviously I am not the one who drops and picks up Raine in school. My mother does, regularly. So when the two of them arrive from school, my mother is the one to fill me up with stories from Raine’s teachers, classmates and their parents. It is our regular session over coffee.

There are times when I really envy my mother, because she gets to interact with other parents in school. But if I have a day job, she gets to do that anyway or somebody else (probably a yaya) will have to do it because I would be at work right? And since I work at home, I get to stay at home instead.

Anyway, there was one time a few weeks ago that for my-being-Raine’s-mother’s sake (and because my mother needed to do something else), I dropped and picked Raine from school. On waiting times I found myself talking to other mothers. The topic went from pregnancies, child deliveries to best positions for conception.

Not that the topics weren’t insightful (believe me they are!) it’s just that I get queasy when married people talk comfortably about what happens in their bedrooms and on their marital beds. I mean If one is discussing such things with their closest friend, that would be a different story. But in front of strangers, in the parents’ waiting area while waiting for your child to get out of the classroom? C’mon.

And then I get to be asked questions, like if I am planning for another child or if i would prefer a girl over a boy next time. Not that I wouldn’t want to answer. It’s just that I cannot answer such questions without giving them a brief history of my unmarried-with-child life. Not that I mind explaining and answering more questions, but they are just most of the time not ready for my answers. Each time I open my mouth, I solicit shock from these parents and I make them uncomfortable with my unconventional views on marriage and parenting.

I haven’t been back to Raine’s school since then. He he. Not yet.

What can we do when we don’t want to do it anymore? A single mom asks - not just any single mom, but Christina of Solo Mother.

First I thought I’d comment but my comments were becoming a full entry so I thought I’ll just write it here, for other single moms to read as well.

Responding to Christina’s question: no it isn’t horrible to feel at times that you don’t want to be a mother anymore. Single parenting is exhausting and difficult (to say the least!) and there are times when you want to stop being responsible for the life of another. I think it is but natural to feel that way, I guess even married moms will feel it at times, much less someone who is doing it all alone.

The feeling will pass however, because your kid is the joy of your life and yes, you wouldn’t trade him for anything. Those heavy feelings will pass - believe me - you single mom just need to do something for your self alone.

Call in sick at work perhaps? But do not stay home, leave your kid with the nanny or at daycare and without guilt pamper yourself even for just a day. I did that, lots of times.

Get a hair cut or a foot spa or just hang around the mall -fit shoes and blouses you wouldn’t buy anyway because you just can’t afford it. Or maybe read a book in a quiet corner of a bookstore - just read for the moment, not buy the book because you won’t have time to read at home, at least not until your kid is reading his own book already. Take note that if you do any of these two at office hours, the shops are practically empty so you can take your own sweet time.

Better yet, call a girlfriend - eat out, watch a movie together or just talk (lots of) and go for a long walk. If no girlfriend is available (who would at office hours?!) do your grocery shopping in peace without hurry (and walk all the way home) –this alone is bliss for any mom, single or otherwise.

In fact I still do something like those from time to time, except the walking home part (because home these days is too long a walk to take, a choice between 5 and 13 kilometers!). I think any mother should (if not already) escape once in a while for some ME-times. Once in a while.

Anything. Anything that will make you come home happy. Tired maybe but happy to face your responsibilities once more. Christina is right — always, always come home.

Here I go again…talking non-stop about my growing boy. Well I really can’t help it especially that I am just too happy that we got over the first- few days of school without a glitch, without tantrums throwing up and that sort of stuff.

Alas Raine is happy and confident once more to be left in the company of others, in this case, his school with a bunch of kids his age. (Actually he already was last year, except when we were stricken by typhoon milenyo he was sort of traumatized that any house or building can fall down. So he opted to stay at home with us than be left in school with a bunch of “strangers”.)

[click photo to enlarge]

I’m crossing my fingers that he’ll continue on with the rest of the semester and get on with the succeeding ones. I’m positive he will this time…I just told Raine before he left today that if he continues with this attitude, he’ll be graduating college in no time…and that I didn’t have to work. LOL! I am sooo paranoid. He just gave me the sweetest smile and his automatic “okay mommy!” with a thumbs-up sign.

Actually I am just glad right now that Raine is excited about something else - like going to school and talking about his classmates, how cry-babies they are - than bugging me about silly stuff and being such a cry-baby that he is, sometimes it’s more like “over-acting’ than it really is. He he he.

To all the moms out there…happy mothers’ day!!!

May your joy be always complete and may you always find peace in the middle of any chaos.

If there’s one thing that Raine and I would agree on doing together in front of the computer…that would be browsing at his baby pictures.

And we’ve been doing that a lot lately, because Raine is mostly bugging me of what he was like as a baby, where we lived, who we were with, etc. Pictures help him relate to those people close to us but who isn’t with us these days, like his Lolo (who passed away) and of course the friends we left in LB.

Also, because I see Raine everyday, I often do not notice if he is really growing or if his looks have changed. Looking at old photos, I can see the difference and what similarities there are left.

Here are a few we’d like to share with you…

(left-right: Raine at 4 months, Raine at 8 months)

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